I Can't Do This.

Everything is so fucking hard lately. Food is damn near an addiction. Maybe it always has been? I don't know but i just want to keep it away from me, out of me. I'm embarassed when i meet someone knew and they see how ridiculously overweight i am. I'm embarassed not only for myself, but for them too. I'll refrain from looking them in the eyes so i don't see their reactions. It's probably best for both.

Things are falling apart. Every aspect of my life pretty much.
I guess i'll just fucking work 7 days a week so i don't feel the need to sit at home and eat and feel melancholy all day.

This is what my life has come to. How exciting. So much to look forward to right?
No!

I will never be able to do this. I was losing weight for a while there. But now i need the assistance of supplements and more abuse to myself. Jesus christ i'm never going to get there.

help?

Ugh

Sooooooo it seems this blogging is a total bust. I was hoping to gain some opinions maybe somebody,anybody, who knew what i was talking about and maybe how i felt.

How stupid was i to think that?

Anyways i guess i'll blog anyways. Fuck it :)

Things have been okayyyyyy i suppose.
Ive been doing nothing but working and waiting impatiently for my trip to Boston.
Damn i'm ready to be there already, i could damn near jump on a plane and go by myself.

but noooooo. things have to be done right. Whateverrr.

I do believe i've lost some weight. It seems my disgusting gut doesnt sag as much and that's always something to smile about :)

I thinkkkkk that if i just keep letting this battle rage inside my head, && if i keep abusing myself mentally and physically, I'll be okay.

Thanks for reading. If anyone did :)


Byeeee <3

ABC

Thanks to Kat.
I've decided to go ahead and try the ana bootcamp. hence the ABC >>> :)

I feel really confident about it, && im hoping i'll be able to do it, i'm just going to have to start marking down what i eat, and what im taking in each time.

Laziness isnt an option. If im going to lose weight and see my hipbones sooner than later, i need to do this.

:)
Byeeeee


Oh yeah && here's how it works :)


1:500 calories
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3:300 calories
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5:100 calories
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11:150 calories
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21:300 calories
22:250 calories
23:200 calories
24:150 calories
25:100 calories
26:50 calories
27:100 calories
28:200 calories
29:200 calories
30:300 calories
31:800 calories
32:fast
33:250 calories
34:350 calories
35:450 calories
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37:500 calories
38:450 calories
39:400 calories
40:350 calories
41:300 calories
42:250 calories
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45:250 calories
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49:150 comments
50:fast